Get ready.

Wow, I am so sorry for not posting nearly enough. So many things have happened, from Norah rolling over for the first time, to Johnny's new job at ZAR, to the Improving Birth rally, to me riding up to the farm in Kevin and Jenna's RV while we drive to Virginia, and now to me going CRAZY with research that is blowng me away, I need to do some serious updates!! Be patient with me, they are coming! :)

In the meantime, I feel sorry for my friends and family because I'm becoming one of those annoying people who is "waking up" and questioning everything. I feel like one of the ways I help protect my family is turning to evidence and making the best, informed decision that I can. This goes for everything I am passionate about. :P 

People who accept the daily grind/our cultural "norms" without questions literally make me cray cray. 

More on this soon. You ready? ;)

Burleson Nurse-In Event

Norah and I drove to Burleson on Saturday to support nursing in public after an event challenged state law. This was a peaceful roadside rally and a whole lot of fun! I am finding this rally stuff very encouraging... It is amazing how simply people can educate the public. Somebody has got to stand up for what is normal before it all goes out the window!!

The news crew set up right behind our blanket! It was a bit intimidating. 

I

I grabbed some of these photos from people online, as you can see we are in a few, so we didn't take them all: 

See us in this next one? I'm wearing a white hat, nursing N, sitting on the grass. 

And the most hilarious one... This guy (husband of the brunette next to him). The sign makes me laugh out loud!

Yes, the probability that Mary breastfed her baby is very high, considering that there were no other options (other than find another mom to feed your baby), that's what all the literature and paintings point to, so it would have been a big big waste to fashion animal skins, burlap, cloth, or whatever material was necessary into a not needed accessory for feeding her child. Seems ridiculous if there is no shame in breastfeeding. Let's not make it about the cover, though. Let's just sit in the thought that Mary was doing what was needed, feeding her son, whenever, wherever, and however worked best for them. I think we could all learn something from this. :)

Two steps forward

... One step back. But hey, we are MOVING FORWARD!!!!! Still having clicking/pain issues. BUT whatever. We nursed in the MobyWrap for the first time today, 3 times already (each a different way). :) WHY do people not do this more often?? MobyWrap friends-- you have got to try it. There are some tutorials for different holds on YouTube if you need em. It is SO easy and helpful. For Norah, she nurses much better IN the moby than out if it. Crazy girl loves to be worn. And it is not nearly as tiring as holding her. Right now even, I was nursing her as I type on my iPad and she unlatched and fell asleep, head still in the crook of my arm. I'm holding her entire body with just my inner elbow thanks to the moby. Goodness!

Believe it or not, I was able to nurse her like this as I took Shasta to go potty (down 3 stories and walking a pretty good distance with Shasta on the leash). Because of our background in breastfeeding {or so i believe}, Norah is a bit picky with positioning and moving around. She gets frustrated and refuses the breast easily. So, this was not possible before. I LOVE IT. The moby can do things that no other carrier can do. So much flexibility since there's no shape to it. 

II will be attending a latch-on/nurse-in event celebrating legal rights of breastfeeding babies tomorrow morning in Burleson. Unfortunately, 2 babies got denied the right to eat without restrictions AGAIN this week... One location, same day!!

 Copy and paste into your browser to view the whole story and the confrontation caught on tape: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/07/lucy-eades-breastfeeding-_n_3719454.html

 A rec center there said they were given permission from the city of Burleson to tell the women to cover or go to the bathroom, but frankly, that is not the state law. In Texas specifically, women have the right to feed their children in any place where the mother can legally be (private or public) and in any way (bottle, breast or SNS device). It is unlawful to harass the mother who is breaking no law, and it breaks my heart. 

Don't they know that breastfeeding babies literally get the woman's hormones through the milk-- and this is constantly changing due to mood? Nature designed it this way... God is amazing. If a mama of any kind feels threatened, she naturally stops releases oxytocin (the feel good hormone) into her breast milk. The Sympathetic Nervous System takes over (ya know, fight or flight) which causes a release of a powerful hormone cocktail, mostly of adrenaline, then the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and digestion will slow way down. How on EARTH could this be good for your growing baby?! Also, by insinuating that the women was in some way doing something wrong or gross, she feels embarrassed, and that's one more big reason to give up (especially if you are a new mom or struggle with breastfeeding). Shame on you, city of Burleson, for "giving permission" for these things. These are the main reasons why we will be going with the 300+ other mom, dads, and babies and offering our support for the rights of breastfeeding kiddos tomorrow. It shouldn't matter what or how you feed your child.

In other news, John's last day at Jos. A Bank was TODAY! All done with that chaos! He starts at ZAR Clothier at the beginning of next week. Big things happening at the Cluff residence. Thank you for your prayers. Our God is alive and has definitely been providing me with situations recently that are sending me running full speed ahead towards Him. Amen to that. Doesn't get any more real than this, y'all. 

Sweet joy

Huge leaps!

Okay, today totally turned around. Reading my last post again just proves to me that ONLY Jesus can do this. Helping Him (ha!) gets me absolutely NOwhere {like the God of the universe needs MY help} :P oh how I love His sense of humor. I decided to just quit -- yeah you read correctly. I quit TRYING. I quit researching. I quit spending hours of my day, when not glued to the bed trying to nurse Norah, on forums about suck training and bad latches. I quit pumping (to reassure myself that my supply wouldn't drop). In the meantime, I was able to truly let go. My internal dialog eventually sounded something like this: God, you gave her to me, so she is not mine. If I am supposed to breastfeed her, make it happen. If you decide to take all of this in another direction, so be it. I know you never give your children situations that we can't handle... But I'm awfully close here!! I have held on to this for 13 weeks because you told me to. Now I need an update on how you want this to go! I'll do it. I am letting her go. I have zero control. Just take this from me and show me what to do next. 

What came out of that was truly beautiful. All day today, I have had this song stuck in my head... Well, part of a song called Shadowfeet. If you haven't heard it, you MUST FIND IT on YouTube. This was one of the songs that I sang when I was serving with the worship band at crossroads. 

"... When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in you, still standing. When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I'll be found in you ...You  make all things new (4x)"  So He pulled this little gem from my distant memories and I got to meditate on these words for two hours in the car today. 

Also, I'm praising God that Norah sort of nursed for the past 3 times today. There were no tears!! And every time I was holding her 1/2 reclined (I just went for it). This is huge... You have no idea how much joy this brings to our rough situation. It was still a painful, clicky, nipple squishing latch, but progress is being made. 

Let's see... Dr. Cole said that Norah's healing is AMAZING. He was shocked it had been one week exactly. He also said that she would probably really benefit from bodywork, specifically chiropractic work, because a weak suck can be easily corrected by "resetting" the nerves and realigning the bones of the head. I already knew all of this, but it just proves to me that we need to have it done. Her head tilt has been obvious since birth, so it's basically a given that something is a bit off. Birth is hard work for little bodies. Norah probably worked harder than I did!! Dr. Cole said she is at the perfect age for this to be most effective. I also went to the La Leche League meeting tonight, there were just 2 of us and 1 leader there this time, but she said they have a fairly large group at the different morning meeting time. I will be going to that one as well. Nonetheless, I had a good time. I felt good to get some of our issues out in the open and somehow I was able to offer help the other lady and her 8 week old son. It's cool how that works -- moms offering other moms advice just from knowing what worked and what didn't. Next week I am going to the Denton meeting, then the week after is Lewisville AM. looking forward to it!

In conclusion, this day went from really not good (earlier post), to basically amazing in my book. All glory be to the big guy. 

Let go, and let God!

Great is The Lord (but this sucks)!

Oh man these have been a rough few days. I blocked off my work schedule again after seeing just 4 clients. It is just not possible to ONLY Breastfeed in this emotional state and then to run out to an appointment every evening. Uggggggggh. 

Norah has zero sucking reflex. My reserve tank in running out of gas. I have done a lot of research on how to retrain your baby to suck...but usually that works for 4-6 week old babies. Norah is almost 13 weeks. I am glad that we decided to get the surgery when we did, BUT it breaks my heart that we found it so late and she got it done at nearly 12 weeks. Although I am thankful that it will avoid many problems later in life, it hasn't helped breastfeeding much at all (yet?). She is beyond clueless how to get milk out. She still never sticks her tongue out, and forget about cupping her tongue like a hot dog bun!! I am hoping that I can get some ideas tonight on what to do next at the la leche league meeting. 

Norah had another milk panic attack this morning (ended up having to syringe feed her again) so we missed our last class of the mommy and me yoga series at Inspire. I am really sad about this. That was one of my only  "escapes" from all this... It gave me a chance to feel like we had a normal, mommy-baby bonded relationship. In reality, what we have is SO messy. I don't even have a name for it. It is definitely in a class of its own. 

Here is what we have going on today. With her, I need to run to the car registration place. Hopefully that won't take long. It will take an hour or more to get to Fort Worth for Norah's follow up appointment with Dr. Cole at 4 o'clock. Then, the la leche league meeting is at 7 here in town. Somehow I need to figure out how Norah is going to eat today with all of this stuff going on .... I am not looking forward to any of it. 

I am so ready to be rescued from all of this. Please God, come pull me out!!!

Early Gift!

The chubster and I on our NEW IPAD! Surprise from my amazing hunk of a husband!! It's an early anniversary present. He knows I don't like spending $$, so he traded in his old computer for this amazing thing. So special and sweet! This picture is fuzzy because I am not taking the screen protector off until I have the perfect case. :P 

Also, I feel like I need to describe what in the world I am wearing. My purple shirt has cut outs for the shoulders, and I'm wearing the moby wrap on top. So that explains it. 

Big Latch On & more

What a crazy event filled weekend! I went to the most life changing event on Saturday morning called the Fort Worth Family Expo & Big Latch On. After receiving some surprisingly negative feedback after sharing the event page on Facebook (about it being a frightening, non-modest, boob flaunting event), I responded with these words that generally sum it up:

This is not a flaunt your boob event. The Big Latch On is a global annual event celebrating World Breastfeeding Week. Breastfeeding mothers (many will cover up) and families get together to celebrate and support each other in bf, and many locations are hosting in private conference rooms [...] This is not supposed to be a protest or political event of any kind... It's just moms getting together and trying to beat the bf record at 10:30. I am so blessed that I had family help us stick with it, I know many moms don't have that. Without the support and proof that other women struggle, too, all bf relationships would crumble. I have yet to feed Norah correctly, and honestly I'd love to one day at least have the option to NIP, but again that is not what this event is about.  I would love to be included in the bf count, but the chances of that are slim. I'm going because I believe in bf and want it so badly.

(I got some of these pictures from other people... I didn't take them all.)

WFAA News Channel 8 was there, which was awesome! 

And this is the story that they did on the event.

This year, the previous BLO record was broken! The count this year for breastfeeding at 10:30am around the globe was 14,536 babies! Locally, the count for Fort Worth was 193, which more than doubled last year's. The youngest baby to participate was 12 days old, the oldest was 47 1/2 months old. There were 3 sets of twins and one tandem nursing mom there. It was so awesome and I'm glad that Norah and I went!

So there you have it... and for the record I DID get to breastfeed Norah (or her version of it anyway), we chose to NIP, outside, around a ton of other people, and all I got was smiles and friendly conversations from others around me. I did not go to a club, so there was no need to be frightened about maintaining my conservative attitude towards modesty... and let's be blunt about what seems to be the real "issue" here, nudity. It still surprises me that some people can be so touchy about breastfeeding. Can't someone besides a current or past breastfeeding mother explain to these folks how mammals feed their young?? It is getting ridiculous. If you want a life while exclusively breastfeeding, you give your kid milk when you are out and about. Can you imagine having a day full of running errands and you going back to your car or yuck.. their BATHROOM every 2 hours just to feed your kid? Now imagine doing that when you already have older children running around every which way... it just wouldn't work. Have these people never walked into a mall? Or watched TV? Sure they have, they are just choosing to say that the pornographic tendencies of Victoria's Secret advertisements are justified by something. In reality, a nursing baby even without a cover can be MUCH less revealing than these ads available for everyone to see.

Nursing In Public does not mean taking your shirt off! Most moms wear layers, or a baby carrier that makes it very easy. So why is a mom tending to her baby more frightening than a much more provocative image of a bikini at the pool?! ... talk about boob flaunting. Phew -- I get pretty fired up about this topic, obviously. I am ALL for modesty. That's why I feel like we should be using all this negative boob showing energy and direct it towards man-made things that make breasts and women a sexual object... like the topics listed above. Please don't negatively address something beautiful, natural, and needed when others of us are striving so hard to give women more options in providing the next generation nutrition. Just look away, or better yet, give that mom a smile because more than likely she has sacrificed and struggled a lot to try and do the very best thing for her baby. Then, maybe go to the mall or the pool where there are 'more things' to look at. ;)

To wrap up this post, check out lil miss NJ in her stroller at the Big Latch On. It was 100 outside, so I was kind to her and just let her sport her diaper... until someone said that "HE" was precious. Notice the humongous pink bow in this picture. :P    SHE's a cutie.

Firm grip!!

More on this weekend, we went to our friends Gabe and Michelle's wedding Saturday night. It was low-key, lovely, and Christ was all over the place. Sunday was also a special day, since God started knitting Norah together on Aug 4th of last year. :)  We went to our first church service as the 3 of us on Sunday morning (we have been going to our Homegroup Friday nights as a family unit, but this is was our first worship service all together). Norah did awesome. I put her in the Moby and she slept the whole time. It was a beautiful service about our joy and identity in the Lord. It was so what I needed to hear -- perfectly struck a chord with all this breastfeeding chaos. The Holy Spirit was definitely cookin something up in me... let's be real, I was moved to tears several times throughout.

There is nothing that could ever separate us. 

There is nothing that could ever separate us from your love. 

No life, no death, of this I am convinced. 

You, my God, are greater still.

As CS Lewis puts it, Praise is inner health made audible. I love that, and I couldn't agree more.

Improving already!

Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first milk coma from legitimate bf.
I'm a happy girl right now.

As I tried to take this picture she woke up. Oh well. Still happy.

Redeeming Breastfeeding, Day 1

Good news: Norah is showing interest in nursing. When I physically flange her lips out, they stay there for a few sucks. Today is Day 1 of World Breastfeeding Week.

Bad news: Her suck is really weak. She only will nurse when we lay down... Which means I have not been out of our bedroom all day (besides for ME to eat). She still gets frustrated and complains when nursing. Her tongue still isn't coming forward enough over her gum line. The click still happens. It is still very painful. My nipples are not happy. She obviously still has muscle memory from how things were.

I have banned all artificial nipples, so we are attacking this thing. No more bottles or paci's. No more messing around. We have got to figure this thing out.

No More Lip/Tongue Tie!!

It is finished (although we have a long way to go before nursing works and is close to normal)! Clear Fork Dental called and we were able to move her appointment up a day, so we did it at 3:00pm yesterday. Everything went great during the procedures. Dr. Cole is really awesome -- so experienced in this area. I saw 5 other infants in the office while I was there with Norah. People come from all over for the frenectomy procedures, and Dr. Cole is one of the best around. He trained with Dr. Kotlow, the tongue tie guru in NY, so he really knows what he's doing. I felt totally comfortable with him the whole time and the staff is so sweet and professional. We had an amazing experience. I would recommend Clear Fork to anyone.

Norah was so smiley at their office, it was adorable. This was the first time that I've noticed her smiling at complete strangers when they weren't trying to be funny. Loved it! Dr. Cole and his assistant Erika asked me a ton of questions and got a feel of how things were going for us before he examined her. It was so refreshing knowing that they actually cared about the little details about our situation, like how long we struggled and how I came to figure out this was our issue (my answer was youtube -- lol! That wasn't the first time they've heard that either). Norah laid in my lap while Dr. Cole looked at her lip tie first. I knew it was large, but their reactions still surprised me. It definitely was restricting her open mouth shape and completely keeping her from flipping those lips out. Then he lifted up her tongue and said "and there's the posterior". I was relieved. Just finally having someone who saw her lip AND tongue tie and knowing that all the hours and hours of research had paid off was so liberating. My job was complete at that moment. I did EVERYTHING I could do and now God needed to work through Dr. Cole as I sat back and took a huge sigh of relief.

They asked me if I wanted to continue with the procedures. Of course I said yes (I was on the cancellation list for two weeks, it took me an hour to get there, and the procedure takes less than two minutes!)... So we got started right then! Norah got swaddled very tightly, got comfy between 2 assistants in the treatment chair, and was fitted with some super rad glasses to protect her eyes from the laser. I got glasses too, but hers were much cuter. :) The actual laser tool is amazing - it looks like a really thin metal wire with a tiny glowing red dot on the end. Technology is insane. In whole, both procedures were complete in 90 seconds. SO FAST. She didn't start crying till about halfway through. We didn't use any anesthesia or numbing agents for her (nerves aren't completely formed), but they did put a special aloe gel on the areas right afterwards. There was very minimal bleeding, just barely orange spit!

{You'd be proud of me... I watched the entire thing from a very close up view, and handled it very well. I only had the mama bear urge to tackle Dr. Cole and protect my little cub once! ;) I honestly did have this thought for a split second when they started her lip halfway through. I just turned around and looked out the window for a second and was good to go. The thought made me laugh at myself and those bizarre instincts.}

I tried nursing right afterwards, but she wouldn't have it. They say it might take a few days until her mouth gets to be more comfortable. She is still taking a bottle of expressed milk.

Good Lord, post-op has been rough. I may need to cave and give her some baby Tylenol or something. Her upper lip is very swollen, but the surgery sites look amazing! She has cried more this past evening and into the wee hours of this morning more than she has cried in her whole life. Poor thing. They say it feels like a food burn (ya know, when you don't want to wait for the queso to cool off). ;) We have several stretches to do multiple times a day in order for the sites to not reattach. Believe it or not, it is getting worse before it's getting better. All part of the process! We are still in the tunnel, slowly inching our way towards that light!!

Crisis Update

I know I said I would post when I knew something, I didn't. It has been a rough 2 weeks ... But I see the light at the end of this tunnel!

This is an update for my last post.
We did not get her tongue or lip tie clipped at that appointment 2 weeks ago. Dr. B saw her lip tie (but couldn't clip it in the office) and said that her tongue was not tied down. The office staff was extremely sweet and caring, they even called dozens of places in the area that could take care of her lip tie (for a hefty price) and didn't charge me for coming in that day -- we didn't do the procedures, after all. I'll admit, I cried right there in the office. It was tough knowing that she had that posterior tie but a health professional not understanding the extent of what that meant. We left deflated.

I have been exclusively pumping since I made the last post, which just means that Norah is getting her milk "to go" instead of "from the tap". ;) It has been 16 days of this, and honestly it is going well... WAY more "fun" than bf at the moment, although I am so hopeful that our situation will change soon. It does take a LOT of time - but I have found EPing support groups online that have offered little tricks that have been amazing (like just rinsing and storing your pump parts in the fridge after use and washing with soap just one time a day). We are "pumping on demand" as I like to call it. I always pump a bottle full and leave that out at room temp ready for when she starts showing early signs of hunger. She gets to immediately eat and doesn't have to wait for me to do anything. As soon as she is finished, I pump for the NEXT meal time. It works so well. The milk never needs to be refrigerated since breastmilk is good at room temp for 4-6 hours. HUGE TIME SAVER!!

Where are we now with the whole ordeal?
After doing a TON more research, I found Dr. Cole in Fort Worth, who is an expert in the laser frenectomy procedure for infants. He trained under the tongue and lip tie guru Dr. Kotlow in NY, who hundreds of people fly to without question to have the quick procedure. Plus, he knows what a posterior tie really is and how to locate it. Dr. Cole will laser her lip and tongue tie right after the other, which will take maybe 2 minutes total, for the price of one at other less experienced locations (So thankful!) ... Why? Because I think he is a firm believer with the evidence that says lip ties are ALWAYS accompanied by a tongue tie of some degree. Plus, it is literally the same procedure.

2 weeks ago, I made an appointment for the soonest available time, which is coming up in just 2 days!!!! We are so beyond excited! A picture of our Frenectomy Countdown Chain is at the bottom of this post (which only brings happiness since it reminds me of counting down to Christmas). :) can't believe it used to say 14, and now there are just a couple of links left!

Please continue to pray for us all during this crazy time, and mostly for Dr. Cole and his wisdom in the situation. Thank you to EVERYONE for the amazing support and to SO many ladies who have shared their bf difficulties with me. It has been so encouraging to be reminded that this is the healthiest, happiest thing for Norah, and my favorite...that if she could talk, she would be saying "thank you for giving me my best chance possible!"

Our Breastfeeding Crisis

WHERE do I begin??
Gosh, so many emotions are flooding my head. This is going to be a lengthy post, y'all. {I am posting this for my sanity, so loved ones can stay updated, and so women going through this know that they are not alone.}

I came across the biggest thing ever yesterday morning... information that is quite possibly going to save my relationship with Norah, John, and the world. I have literally been going CRAZY since her birth and now I'm finding out that the whole thing could have been fixed in 30 seconds.

Dana, WHAT are you talking about?
I'm talking about how we have had a nightmare of a time breastfeeding. It has been almost 10 weeks of the most frustrating, excruciating, disappointing thing I could possibly go through -- but you all know how stubborn I am. And looking back through all my update posts about the physical and mental trauma, it all makes sense now. It turns out that Norah is tongue tied and lip tied, which has totally hijacked our beautiful/normal breastfeeding experience. More on that later.

First of all, let me just give you a front row seat to my past and current emotional state while dealing with all of this. Since even before getting pregnant, I had this picture of how I wanted everything to go baby-wise. I am a humungous fan of everything natural when it comes to bringing kiddos into the world. Natural births and what else?? Breastfeeding! ...where mama and baby couldn't be happier. Now don't get me wrong, I knew that many babies had trouble with it for the first week or so (that seems to be a trend in my family) but all gets sorted out with time and practice and then it is AWESOME. (ha!)

So it's May 9th. I just birthed Norah. I was on an amazing emotional high... Life couldn't have been better. She wasn't interested right away to nurse, so we were just going to follow her cue and let her decide when. Our midwife and assistant (and my mom) were all there helping to try and get us going with the breastfeeding with not much luck. Well Norah FINALLY nursed late that day. It was horrible, but hey, she was at least getting something and figuring out how to suck. I just rolled with the pain (knowing that next time we'd do it better) for her benefit. For the next week, things stayed the same. Norah didn't LOVE nursing even though my milk supply was quite large and I was trying my best to do it right. I felt completely undesirable -- when Norah did "latch" on, it was beyond painful, she would throw a huge fit while nursing, and I got the beating physically and emotionally. I've never cried more in my life. Our midwife came to check up on us often and helped adjust some things with latch and positions. Our pediatrician offered advice. I wore nipple shells so that it was possible to put a bra or shirt on. I lathered in Lanolin and did salt water rinses to help with healing. So this is what I've realized, y'all... I'm a pretty tough person, especially when it comes to sacrificing something for loved ones (my kid)! I watched a million videos about breastfeeding, read articles, talked to people who had difficulties, and they all told me that nursing may not be FUN for the first 2 weeks, so if I could just make it to 2 weeks things would be better. That's what I did. Norah gained weight like a champ in the first 2 weeks even in spite of our situation... probably because that's what Norah needed from me and by golly I was going to deliver. My thoughts while nursing her: Suck it up, girl. Almost everybody you know has breastfed. Supplementation is not an option. You are made to do this. You know the benefits. It won't always be like this, time will make it go away. Just swallow the pain. Ignore the sounds she's making and the blisters you're getting.... WHY can I not feed my own child??!

We hit the 2 week mark, then 3 weeks... and 4 weeks. Nothing was improving. I was 4 weeks beyond the point of being desperate and, honestly, I felt worthless! Yeah, it has been a rough time. I continued to literally DREAD when Norah was going to wake up and want to eat. I did NOT want to feed her, but obviously she needed to eat. I talked to 2 breastfeeding experts on the phone at this time, but they just told me what I already could have written a book on -- how to get a good latch, positioning, etc. In my desire for company and more help, I drove an hour away to a previous midwife's house. She is also a board certified lactation consultant. It was amazing seeing her again and although she didn't help us much with fixing our issues, she did give me a nipple shield that I could try while I was 'healing' from the nursing trauma. IT SAVED MY LIFE for the next month. As much as I didn't want to use it as a crutch, I did. It made breastfeeding her feel better. I used it every single time for 4 more weeks while I was just waiting for her mouth to get bigger, latch to get better, and all the other reasons the experts say to stick with it. The "It will be hard" time frame was then updated to 6 or 8 weeks of breastfeeding.

So now, at almost 10 weeks ... here's the kicker ... I ACCIDENTALLY found the answer to our problems on a breastfeeding forum online.

Um, WHAT?

Yes, Norah has a thing called Posterior Tongue Tie - and based on all the information I have managed to scoop up in the last 24 hours (I had to dig DEEP to find a lot of this stuff), we have all of the signs and symptoms. It literally keeps her tongue from working correctly and makes breastfeeding the most painful thing IN. THE. WORLD. She has to creatively work her mouth to get the milk. It happens to 1 out of 50 babies. And there is a safe, effective, 30 second clipping procedure that usually fixes it immediately.

Um, WHAT?!

The 6 health care people I have talked to didn't see it before (but it is farther back than the anterior, easier to see ties). Eh, whatever. Below is a list taken from American Academy of Pediatrics website, I found it linked from a video.

The items in bold are what we have been experiencing.

"The presentation of symptomatic tongue-tie may vary widely, including symptoms and signs in both infant and mother.

Maternal presentation is commonly characterized by: 

• nipple pain and/or erosions 

• painful breasts

• low milk supply 

• plugged ducts 

• mastitis 

• frustration, disappointment, and discouragement with breastfeeding 

• untimely weaning

Infant symptoms and signs include: 

• poor latch and suck 

• clicking sound while nursing (poor suction) 

• ineffective milk transfer 

• inadequate weight gain or weight loss 

• irritability or colic 

• fussiness and frequent arching away from the breast 

• fatigue within one to two minutes of beginning to nurse 

• difficulty establishing suction to maintain a deep grasp on the breast 

• gradual sliding off the breast 

• “chewing” of the nipple 

• falling asleep at the breast having taken less than an optimal feed, as proven by “test weight” on a digital scale "

....so that's a lot of stuff that applies to us. This is what I FIRST found, though, after seeing it in a forum. It's a video on youtube that literally made me scream. It's that horrific smacking sound that I could pick out in a crowd, and surprise! it's a tongue tied baby. This sound is not and has never been "cute" as many people have said to me. :P It is excruciating. This is what sold me on the fact that Norah has it, because this is EXACTLY what nursing her looks and sounds like despite all my efforts.

*warning for people who think breastfeeding is not natural or whatever, this is a real mom breastfeeding a real baby

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ow-yCOYrEX0

Here is a video that I found very helpful in learning more about this. 

I just want to give this woman a hug through my computer:

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmv4vHO6ihM

and this one:

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvuaN5FYz3I

This is Norah's lip tie. Haven't gotten a good picture of her tongue yet.

I was very frustrated when all these pieces started coming together yesterday... but for some reason it worked out this way. I feel so liberated just FINALLY having the answer!!!! The patience was worth it and the suffering was there for some sort of reason. 

God is good and we didn't give up! :)

We are getting her lip tie and tongue tie clipped on Monday morning. Please pray for our patience, sanity, her health, and that she will quickly be able to re-learn how to nurse and use muscles that she's not used to. 

I am VERY excited. I desperately want to be able to nurse my child and get along with her. I don't want to dread her awake hours... yikes. I want her to get all the nurturing benefits of this natural process. I don't want to feel like a bad mom anymore. Nursing In Public would be amazing and so convenient. I want to be able to look at a breastfeeding mom and know that I can do that, too. 

I'll post when we have an update! :D

2 months old

2 days ago Norah turned 2 months old. Things have definitely not been boring around here- I have been fighting through a weird 'almost' cold thing, which is behind us now, and Norah is as cute as ever. This little girl is so joyful! She loves music, smiling, and staring at faces. She sleeps like a pro and "talks" up a storm. Her neck is SO strong for her age. Tummy time is getting more fun each time, and believe it or not, our rough time with nursing is soooo much better all of a sudden. Thank you God! :) Not perfect, and still not super fun, but it is much better. For the first time in a month, we nursed from BOTH sides withOUT using nipple shields on Tuesday (and have been like that since, although it's only successful in one position... Oh well)! Such a humongous deal for us. I desperately want our nursing to be "normal". I know it is such a beautiful thing, and it's way more than the milk. The bond lasts a lifetime and babies that stay at the breast for longer have better development in many ways than babies who don't. I want to NIP (...quietly!) or at least have the option of doing so. I want to feed my daughter without her throwing a huge fit. I want to nurse and smile at the same time. I will do anything to keep trucking through this so we can have that. I want to give her the best chance possible -- and as difficult as it is, we will stick with it!

Thought about something interesting recently - I can't have it all. We got pregnant on try #1. I totally loved being pregnant... felt better than ever! We got the perfect birth I wanted for her, short and easy labor and a home birth with zero interventions. She is an amazing sleeper. She is the happiest baby on the block, NEVER fusses except when nursing. So there has to be something I suppose.... I still have faith that it will pass and be beautiful and enjoyable soon! :)

More Vacation

We wrapped up our fun at the farm with a BEAR in the field across the road (I missed it, but apparently it was huge!) and now we are in New Martinsville. Love these Dawson folk! :) it is 106 degrees in Dallas and 77 here. Enough said.

It looks like we are going to camp for the days that we are here. Grandma and Grandpa want to set up their RV for use this summer, which we will help them with. Could be really fun! I'm sad we have to leave on Saturday... We are never here for long enough. Right now I'm sitting on the porch swing holding Norah in my lap. She is sleeping. It is windy and getting chilly - there's a storm coming! I love this place so much.

Fun in WV:

Vacation!

Shasta, Norah, and myself are here at the farm, and will be in WV later in the week. Johnny is at work. We miss him.

Here are some pictures of the latest:
(Naked baby alert!)