Our Breastfeeding Crisis

WHERE do I begin??
Gosh, so many emotions are flooding my head. This is going to be a lengthy post, y'all. {I am posting this for my sanity, so loved ones can stay updated, and so women going through this know that they are not alone.}

I came across the biggest thing ever yesterday morning... information that is quite possibly going to save my relationship with Norah, John, and the world. I have literally been going CRAZY since her birth and now I'm finding out that the whole thing could have been fixed in 30 seconds.

Dana, WHAT are you talking about?
I'm talking about how we have had a nightmare of a time breastfeeding. It has been almost 10 weeks of the most frustrating, excruciating, disappointing thing I could possibly go through -- but you all know how stubborn I am. And looking back through all my update posts about the physical and mental trauma, it all makes sense now. It turns out that Norah is tongue tied and lip tied, which has totally hijacked our beautiful/normal breastfeeding experience. More on that later.

First of all, let me just give you a front row seat to my past and current emotional state while dealing with all of this. Since even before getting pregnant, I had this picture of how I wanted everything to go baby-wise. I am a humungous fan of everything natural when it comes to bringing kiddos into the world. Natural births and what else?? Breastfeeding! ...where mama and baby couldn't be happier. Now don't get me wrong, I knew that many babies had trouble with it for the first week or so (that seems to be a trend in my family) but all gets sorted out with time and practice and then it is AWESOME. (ha!)

So it's May 9th. I just birthed Norah. I was on an amazing emotional high... Life couldn't have been better. She wasn't interested right away to nurse, so we were just going to follow her cue and let her decide when. Our midwife and assistant (and my mom) were all there helping to try and get us going with the breastfeeding with not much luck. Well Norah FINALLY nursed late that day. It was horrible, but hey, she was at least getting something and figuring out how to suck. I just rolled with the pain (knowing that next time we'd do it better) for her benefit. For the next week, things stayed the same. Norah didn't LOVE nursing even though my milk supply was quite large and I was trying my best to do it right. I felt completely undesirable -- when Norah did "latch" on, it was beyond painful, she would throw a huge fit while nursing, and I got the beating physically and emotionally. I've never cried more in my life. Our midwife came to check up on us often and helped adjust some things with latch and positions. Our pediatrician offered advice. I wore nipple shells so that it was possible to put a bra or shirt on. I lathered in Lanolin and did salt water rinses to help with healing. So this is what I've realized, y'all... I'm a pretty tough person, especially when it comes to sacrificing something for loved ones (my kid)! I watched a million videos about breastfeeding, read articles, talked to people who had difficulties, and they all told me that nursing may not be FUN for the first 2 weeks, so if I could just make it to 2 weeks things would be better. That's what I did. Norah gained weight like a champ in the first 2 weeks even in spite of our situation... probably because that's what Norah needed from me and by golly I was going to deliver. My thoughts while nursing her: Suck it up, girl. Almost everybody you know has breastfed. Supplementation is not an option. You are made to do this. You know the benefits. It won't always be like this, time will make it go away. Just swallow the pain. Ignore the sounds she's making and the blisters you're getting.... WHY can I not feed my own child??!

We hit the 2 week mark, then 3 weeks... and 4 weeks. Nothing was improving. I was 4 weeks beyond the point of being desperate and, honestly, I felt worthless! Yeah, it has been a rough time. I continued to literally DREAD when Norah was going to wake up and want to eat. I did NOT want to feed her, but obviously she needed to eat. I talked to 2 breastfeeding experts on the phone at this time, but they just told me what I already could have written a book on -- how to get a good latch, positioning, etc. In my desire for company and more help, I drove an hour away to a previous midwife's house. She is also a board certified lactation consultant. It was amazing seeing her again and although she didn't help us much with fixing our issues, she did give me a nipple shield that I could try while I was 'healing' from the nursing trauma. IT SAVED MY LIFE for the next month. As much as I didn't want to use it as a crutch, I did. It made breastfeeding her feel better. I used it every single time for 4 more weeks while I was just waiting for her mouth to get bigger, latch to get better, and all the other reasons the experts say to stick with it. The "It will be hard" time frame was then updated to 6 or 8 weeks of breastfeeding.

So now, at almost 10 weeks ... here's the kicker ... I ACCIDENTALLY found the answer to our problems on a breastfeeding forum online.

Um, WHAT?

Yes, Norah has a thing called Posterior Tongue Tie - and based on all the information I have managed to scoop up in the last 24 hours (I had to dig DEEP to find a lot of this stuff), we have all of the signs and symptoms. It literally keeps her tongue from working correctly and makes breastfeeding the most painful thing IN. THE. WORLD. She has to creatively work her mouth to get the milk. It happens to 1 out of 50 babies. And there is a safe, effective, 30 second clipping procedure that usually fixes it immediately.

Um, WHAT?!

The 6 health care people I have talked to didn't see it before (but it is farther back than the anterior, easier to see ties). Eh, whatever. Below is a list taken from American Academy of Pediatrics website, I found it linked from a video.

The items in bold are what we have been experiencing.

"The presentation of symptomatic tongue-tie may vary widely, including symptoms and signs in both infant and mother.

Maternal presentation is commonly characterized by: 

• nipple pain and/or erosions 

• painful breasts

• low milk supply 

• plugged ducts 

• mastitis 

• frustration, disappointment, and discouragement with breastfeeding 

• untimely weaning

Infant symptoms and signs include: 

• poor latch and suck 

• clicking sound while nursing (poor suction) 

• ineffective milk transfer 

• inadequate weight gain or weight loss 

• irritability or colic 

• fussiness and frequent arching away from the breast 

• fatigue within one to two minutes of beginning to nurse 

• difficulty establishing suction to maintain a deep grasp on the breast 

• gradual sliding off the breast 

• “chewing” of the nipple 

• falling asleep at the breast having taken less than an optimal feed, as proven by “test weight” on a digital scale "

....so that's a lot of stuff that applies to us. This is what I FIRST found, though, after seeing it in a forum. It's a video on youtube that literally made me scream. It's that horrific smacking sound that I could pick out in a crowd, and surprise! it's a tongue tied baby. This sound is not and has never been "cute" as many people have said to me. :P It is excruciating. This is what sold me on the fact that Norah has it, because this is EXACTLY what nursing her looks and sounds like despite all my efforts.

*warning for people who think breastfeeding is not natural or whatever, this is a real mom breastfeeding a real baby

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ow-yCOYrEX0

Here is a video that I found very helpful in learning more about this. 

I just want to give this woman a hug through my computer:

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gmv4vHO6ihM

and this one:

>>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvuaN5FYz3I

This is Norah's lip tie. Haven't gotten a good picture of her tongue yet.

I was very frustrated when all these pieces started coming together yesterday... but for some reason it worked out this way. I feel so liberated just FINALLY having the answer!!!! The patience was worth it and the suffering was there for some sort of reason. 

God is good and we didn't give up! :)

We are getting her lip tie and tongue tie clipped on Monday morning. Please pray for our patience, sanity, her health, and that she will quickly be able to re-learn how to nurse and use muscles that she's not used to. 

I am VERY excited. I desperately want to be able to nurse my child and get along with her. I don't want to dread her awake hours... yikes. I want her to get all the nurturing benefits of this natural process. I don't want to feel like a bad mom anymore. Nursing In Public would be amazing and so convenient. I want to be able to look at a breastfeeding mom and know that I can do that, too. 

I'll post when we have an update! :D