Huge leaps!

Okay, today totally turned around. Reading my last post again just proves to me that ONLY Jesus can do this. Helping Him (ha!) gets me absolutely NOwhere {like the God of the universe needs MY help} :P oh how I love His sense of humor. I decided to just quit -- yeah you read correctly. I quit TRYING. I quit researching. I quit spending hours of my day, when not glued to the bed trying to nurse Norah, on forums about suck training and bad latches. I quit pumping (to reassure myself that my supply wouldn't drop). In the meantime, I was able to truly let go. My internal dialog eventually sounded something like this: God, you gave her to me, so she is not mine. If I am supposed to breastfeed her, make it happen. If you decide to take all of this in another direction, so be it. I know you never give your children situations that we can't handle... But I'm awfully close here!! I have held on to this for 13 weeks because you told me to. Now I need an update on how you want this to go! I'll do it. I am letting her go. I have zero control. Just take this from me and show me what to do next. 

What came out of that was truly beautiful. All day today, I have had this song stuck in my head... Well, part of a song called Shadowfeet. If you haven't heard it, you MUST FIND IT on YouTube. This was one of the songs that I sang when I was serving with the worship band at crossroads. 

"... When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in you, still standing. When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I'll be found in you ...You  make all things new (4x)"  So He pulled this little gem from my distant memories and I got to meditate on these words for two hours in the car today. 

Also, I'm praising God that Norah sort of nursed for the past 3 times today. There were no tears!! And every time I was holding her 1/2 reclined (I just went for it). This is huge... You have no idea how much joy this brings to our rough situation. It was still a painful, clicky, nipple squishing latch, but progress is being made. 

Let's see... Dr. Cole said that Norah's healing is AMAZING. He was shocked it had been one week exactly. He also said that she would probably really benefit from bodywork, specifically chiropractic work, because a weak suck can be easily corrected by "resetting" the nerves and realigning the bones of the head. I already knew all of this, but it just proves to me that we need to have it done. Her head tilt has been obvious since birth, so it's basically a given that something is a bit off. Birth is hard work for little bodies. Norah probably worked harder than I did!! Dr. Cole said she is at the perfect age for this to be most effective. I also went to the La Leche League meeting tonight, there were just 2 of us and 1 leader there this time, but she said they have a fairly large group at the different morning meeting time. I will be going to that one as well. Nonetheless, I had a good time. I felt good to get some of our issues out in the open and somehow I was able to offer help the other lady and her 8 week old son. It's cool how that works -- moms offering other moms advice just from knowing what worked and what didn't. Next week I am going to the Denton meeting, then the week after is Lewisville AM. looking forward to it!

In conclusion, this day went from really not good (earlier post), to basically amazing in my book. All glory be to the big guy. 

Let go, and let God!