Get ready.

Wow, I am so sorry for not posting nearly enough. So many things have happened, from Norah rolling over for the first time, to Johnny's new job at ZAR, to the Improving Birth rally, to me riding up to the farm in Kevin and Jenna's RV while we drive to Virginia, and now to me going CRAZY with research that is blowng me away, I need to do some serious updates!! Be patient with me, they are coming! :)

In the meantime, I feel sorry for my friends and family because I'm becoming one of those annoying people who is "waking up" and questioning everything. I feel like one of the ways I help protect my family is turning to evidence and making the best, informed decision that I can. This goes for everything I am passionate about. :P 

People who accept the daily grind/our cultural "norms" without questions literally make me cray cray. 

More on this soon. You ready? ;)

Burleson Nurse-In Event

Norah and I drove to Burleson on Saturday to support nursing in public after an event challenged state law. This was a peaceful roadside rally and a whole lot of fun! I am finding this rally stuff very encouraging... It is amazing how simply people can educate the public. Somebody has got to stand up for what is normal before it all goes out the window!!

The news crew set up right behind our blanket! It was a bit intimidating. 

I

I grabbed some of these photos from people online, as you can see we are in a few, so we didn't take them all: 

See us in this next one? I'm wearing a white hat, nursing N, sitting on the grass. 

And the most hilarious one... This guy (husband of the brunette next to him). The sign makes me laugh out loud!

Yes, the probability that Mary breastfed her baby is very high, considering that there were no other options (other than find another mom to feed your baby), that's what all the literature and paintings point to, so it would have been a big big waste to fashion animal skins, burlap, cloth, or whatever material was necessary into a not needed accessory for feeding her child. Seems ridiculous if there is no shame in breastfeeding. Let's not make it about the cover, though. Let's just sit in the thought that Mary was doing what was needed, feeding her son, whenever, wherever, and however worked best for them. I think we could all learn something from this. :)

Two steps forward

... One step back. But hey, we are MOVING FORWARD!!!!! Still having clicking/pain issues. BUT whatever. We nursed in the MobyWrap for the first time today, 3 times already (each a different way). :) WHY do people not do this more often?? MobyWrap friends-- you have got to try it. There are some tutorials for different holds on YouTube if you need em. It is SO easy and helpful. For Norah, she nurses much better IN the moby than out if it. Crazy girl loves to be worn. And it is not nearly as tiring as holding her. Right now even, I was nursing her as I type on my iPad and she unlatched and fell asleep, head still in the crook of my arm. I'm holding her entire body with just my inner elbow thanks to the moby. Goodness!

Believe it or not, I was able to nurse her like this as I took Shasta to go potty (down 3 stories and walking a pretty good distance with Shasta on the leash). Because of our background in breastfeeding {or so i believe}, Norah is a bit picky with positioning and moving around. She gets frustrated and refuses the breast easily. So, this was not possible before. I LOVE IT. The moby can do things that no other carrier can do. So much flexibility since there's no shape to it. 

II will be attending a latch-on/nurse-in event celebrating legal rights of breastfeeding babies tomorrow morning in Burleson. Unfortunately, 2 babies got denied the right to eat without restrictions AGAIN this week... One location, same day!!

 Copy and paste into your browser to view the whole story and the confrontation caught on tape: 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/08/07/lucy-eades-breastfeeding-_n_3719454.html

 A rec center there said they were given permission from the city of Burleson to tell the women to cover or go to the bathroom, but frankly, that is not the state law. In Texas specifically, women have the right to feed their children in any place where the mother can legally be (private or public) and in any way (bottle, breast or SNS device). It is unlawful to harass the mother who is breaking no law, and it breaks my heart. 

Don't they know that breastfeeding babies literally get the woman's hormones through the milk-- and this is constantly changing due to mood? Nature designed it this way... God is amazing. If a mama of any kind feels threatened, she naturally stops releases oxytocin (the feel good hormone) into her breast milk. The Sympathetic Nervous System takes over (ya know, fight or flight) which causes a release of a powerful hormone cocktail, mostly of adrenaline, then the heart rate increases, blood pressure rises, and digestion will slow way down. How on EARTH could this be good for your growing baby?! Also, by insinuating that the women was in some way doing something wrong or gross, she feels embarrassed, and that's one more big reason to give up (especially if you are a new mom or struggle with breastfeeding). Shame on you, city of Burleson, for "giving permission" for these things. These are the main reasons why we will be going with the 300+ other mom, dads, and babies and offering our support for the rights of breastfeeding kiddos tomorrow. It shouldn't matter what or how you feed your child.

In other news, John's last day at Jos. A Bank was TODAY! All done with that chaos! He starts at ZAR Clothier at the beginning of next week. Big things happening at the Cluff residence. Thank you for your prayers. Our God is alive and has definitely been providing me with situations recently that are sending me running full speed ahead towards Him. Amen to that. Doesn't get any more real than this, y'all. 

Sweet joy

Huge leaps!

Okay, today totally turned around. Reading my last post again just proves to me that ONLY Jesus can do this. Helping Him (ha!) gets me absolutely NOwhere {like the God of the universe needs MY help} :P oh how I love His sense of humor. I decided to just quit -- yeah you read correctly. I quit TRYING. I quit researching. I quit spending hours of my day, when not glued to the bed trying to nurse Norah, on forums about suck training and bad latches. I quit pumping (to reassure myself that my supply wouldn't drop). In the meantime, I was able to truly let go. My internal dialog eventually sounded something like this: God, you gave her to me, so she is not mine. If I am supposed to breastfeed her, make it happen. If you decide to take all of this in another direction, so be it. I know you never give your children situations that we can't handle... But I'm awfully close here!! I have held on to this for 13 weeks because you told me to. Now I need an update on how you want this to go! I'll do it. I am letting her go. I have zero control. Just take this from me and show me what to do next. 

What came out of that was truly beautiful. All day today, I have had this song stuck in my head... Well, part of a song called Shadowfeet. If you haven't heard it, you MUST FIND IT on YouTube. This was one of the songs that I sang when I was serving with the worship band at crossroads. 

"... When the world has fallen out from under me, I'll be found in you, still standing. When the sky rolls up and the mountains fall on their knees, when time and space are through, I'll be found in you ...You  make all things new (4x)"  So He pulled this little gem from my distant memories and I got to meditate on these words for two hours in the car today. 

Also, I'm praising God that Norah sort of nursed for the past 3 times today. There were no tears!! And every time I was holding her 1/2 reclined (I just went for it). This is huge... You have no idea how much joy this brings to our rough situation. It was still a painful, clicky, nipple squishing latch, but progress is being made. 

Let's see... Dr. Cole said that Norah's healing is AMAZING. He was shocked it had been one week exactly. He also said that she would probably really benefit from bodywork, specifically chiropractic work, because a weak suck can be easily corrected by "resetting" the nerves and realigning the bones of the head. I already knew all of this, but it just proves to me that we need to have it done. Her head tilt has been obvious since birth, so it's basically a given that something is a bit off. Birth is hard work for little bodies. Norah probably worked harder than I did!! Dr. Cole said she is at the perfect age for this to be most effective. I also went to the La Leche League meeting tonight, there were just 2 of us and 1 leader there this time, but she said they have a fairly large group at the different morning meeting time. I will be going to that one as well. Nonetheless, I had a good time. I felt good to get some of our issues out in the open and somehow I was able to offer help the other lady and her 8 week old son. It's cool how that works -- moms offering other moms advice just from knowing what worked and what didn't. Next week I am going to the Denton meeting, then the week after is Lewisville AM. looking forward to it!

In conclusion, this day went from really not good (earlier post), to basically amazing in my book. All glory be to the big guy. 

Let go, and let God!

Great is The Lord (but this sucks)!

Oh man these have been a rough few days. I blocked off my work schedule again after seeing just 4 clients. It is just not possible to ONLY Breastfeed in this emotional state and then to run out to an appointment every evening. Uggggggggh. 

Norah has zero sucking reflex. My reserve tank in running out of gas. I have done a lot of research on how to retrain your baby to suck...but usually that works for 4-6 week old babies. Norah is almost 13 weeks. I am glad that we decided to get the surgery when we did, BUT it breaks my heart that we found it so late and she got it done at nearly 12 weeks. Although I am thankful that it will avoid many problems later in life, it hasn't helped breastfeeding much at all (yet?). She is beyond clueless how to get milk out. She still never sticks her tongue out, and forget about cupping her tongue like a hot dog bun!! I am hoping that I can get some ideas tonight on what to do next at the la leche league meeting. 

Norah had another milk panic attack this morning (ended up having to syringe feed her again) so we missed our last class of the mommy and me yoga series at Inspire. I am really sad about this. That was one of my only  "escapes" from all this... It gave me a chance to feel like we had a normal, mommy-baby bonded relationship. In reality, what we have is SO messy. I don't even have a name for it. It is definitely in a class of its own. 

Here is what we have going on today. With her, I need to run to the car registration place. Hopefully that won't take long. It will take an hour or more to get to Fort Worth for Norah's follow up appointment with Dr. Cole at 4 o'clock. Then, the la leche league meeting is at 7 here in town. Somehow I need to figure out how Norah is going to eat today with all of this stuff going on .... I am not looking forward to any of it. 

I am so ready to be rescued from all of this. Please God, come pull me out!!!

Early Gift!

The chubster and I on our NEW IPAD! Surprise from my amazing hunk of a husband!! It's an early anniversary present. He knows I don't like spending $$, so he traded in his old computer for this amazing thing. So special and sweet! This picture is fuzzy because I am not taking the screen protector off until I have the perfect case. :P 

Also, I feel like I need to describe what in the world I am wearing. My purple shirt has cut outs for the shoulders, and I'm wearing the moby wrap on top. So that explains it.